For those of you who know me well, you've probably noticed that I have a bad habit of being a little negative sometimes. It's not because I'm an unpleasant person, it's just that sometimes I can be insecure about myself or guarded to avoid disappointment. I've used those defense mechanisms for so long that sometimes I don't even notice it anymore. Lately, I've been praying that I could notice and recognize when that happens so I can start to actively make changes. It was really hard at first because I really let things eat at me when I do something embarrassing, etc.
Fast forward a couple weeks and now I am more confident with myself and happier. I don't have all these things weighing me down anymore. What worked? Well, honestly it was just all in my head. Whenever I did something good I acknowledged it to myself. Whenever I thought of something negative (about myself or others) I tried to just put it out of my head and think about something else (some things were much harder to shrug off than others, but I did my best). Maybe the thought was something embarrassing that I did. I was still embarrassed about it, but there was nothing I could do about it now, so I just thought about something else. I also started recognizing the awesome things that I did and stopped discrediting them or watering them down with all the things I didn't or might not do next time (see the blog post below for more on drops of awesome!). Soon I stopped buying into the idea that I wasn't good enough or sweet enough etc. It sounds silly but that's really all it took. And without all that in the back of my mind I had more time to fill my thoughts with ideas of how to magnify my calling, serve others, fun things to help Wes learn etc. I really became happier, keeping myself and my thoughts busy with positive things.
Every girl should give this a try because every girl has insecurities. This blog post really helped me get started.
http://www.daringyoungmom.com/2012/12/19/drops-of-awesome/
It really just clicked in my mind that entertaining negative thoughts really just weighs us down. Heavenly father knows we're not perfect and he's okay with that. All we are asked to do is try our best, learn from our mistakes and KEEP LOOKING FORWARD and we are entitled to all of his grace. He loves us just the way that we are, so much that he sent his son for us. Many of us have read the bicycle analogy in the book Believing Christ, but this was another great talk that helped put things into perspective for me.
http://www.lds.org/new-era/2012/08/his-grace-is-sufficient?lang=eng
We really all need to believe that his grace is enough for us and let that give us hope and courage to carry on. I hope that someday I am able to see myself the way my heavenly father sees me and all the potential that I have. I hope to someday have changed myself so that I am comfortable in his presence and can live with him again.
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